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The Internet has changed the dating
scene forever; contacts can be made almost instantly and email
exchanges have made letter writing and those first awkward
phone calls a thing of the past. On-line dating allows users
to search databases interactively, look at photos and easily
select the criteria they want for their perfect match. Singles
dating chat rooms allow for safe initial exchanges while prospective
partners check each other out.
But it's not all roses, Colleen
Moulding has a few words of caution for those of you thinking
about signing up to an on line dating agency or singles chat
room.
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Love on the internet
by Colleen Moulding
Margaret, 38, a divorcee from Hereford
was shown how to use the Internet by her teenage daughter. She met
Alan, 44, a chemist from New York in a gardening chat room ...
"He asked me a question about Albertine roses," laughed Margaret.
"We chatted quite often after that, mainly about our gardens at
first. Then Alan sent some photos of his garden with him in it,
and I straight away thought how handsome he was. I sent photos back,
half thinking that I wouldn't hear from him again, but the e-mails
kept on coming and one day after we'd been corresponding for about
nine months Alan got the chance to come to England on business.
We met up in London last November and we got on really well together.
I'm going to see him in New York in two months time, so who knows
what will come of it?".
Lizzie Bell was only sixteen when she started chatting to Mark
on the Internet and found that they didn't live far apart from each
other in North London. They even knew some of the same people!
After chatting every day for about a month Mark suggested that
they meet in a cafe one Saturday morning. "We decided to both carry
a copy of a certain computer magazine," said Mark, "but I knew she
was the one the minute she walked in the door."
"I had already told him what I looked like anyway," said Lizzie,
"and I made sure I liked the look of him before I got my magazine
out of my bag." Over a year later Lizzie and Mark are still together
and planning an engagement on Lizzie's eighteenth birthday.
Things don't always work out quite so well though as Rebecca 42,
from Leeds found out. Rebecca joined an Internet dating service.
When she first met William he seemed like her ideal man, smart,
handsome and sophisticated. At first they had a good time together
with trips to the theatre and the races, even a weekend in Paris,
until Rebecca began to suspect his motives. William was increasingly
"just a little short of cash" until a business deal went through.
Eventually Rebecca realized that the deal he was waiting for was
marrying her for her not inconsiderable money. "I later found out
this was not the first time he'd tried it either" said a disillusioned
Rebecca.
There certainly are precautions you must take to keep yourself
safe if you intend to meet people in this way.
Chat room checklist
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For a start please don't believe everything you're told.
He or she may be a company director with a big house and a
company car, on the other hand they may be on benefit and
up to their eyes in debt. If someone sounds too good to be
true – they probably are!
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Don't reveal too much about yourself. Use an alias or a nickname,
this is quite common practice, and don't reveal too much about
your physical whereabouts either, especially if you live alone
or in an isolated place. There are con artists who target
the lonely and will think their ship has come in if you give
out this sort of information.
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Be aware that if you put your photograph on the Internet
anyone can right click on their mouse and put that picture
anywhere that they like in any context. Also consider when
looking at photos of others that many people put on photographs
that are years out of date when they were slimmer, younger,
had hair etc.
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Don't even think about giving out your telephone number under
any circumstances. Call the other person from a public telephone,
or dial 141 before you call them and they can't get your number
by dialing 1471. (UK)
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Use your common sense. It's easy in the heat of the moment
to give away details about yourself that you would never usually
reveal to a stranger.
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Take your time and don't be rushed into meeting, especially
if you have any doubts at all about someone. On the other
hand if you get to know someone and they are strangely coy
about meeting up perhaps they are already married, or ten
years older or younger than they have told you. Beware of
men or women who "love" you within days, they almost definitely
have an ulterior motive.
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When you do decide to meet, take the same precautions over
your personal safety that you would with any stranger. Meet
in a public place, tell someone where you are going and with
whom, keep your house and car keys with you at all times,
be careful about your drink being spiked and take a taxi home
so that your date doesn't know your home address.
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Love and friendship have blossomed on the Internet for many
people who might otherwise never have met, for whom the computer
cursor became Cupid's arrow, just be careful and look after
yourself.
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© Colleen Moulding 1999
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